Behavioral Problems, Advice?

Hi, thanks for clicking. Please let me apologize in advance for the length. Alec is my first cat since I was 6, and prior to having allergy shots before getting Alec, I wasn’t able to spend any extended length of time near cats. I’ve read a lot about cat behavior, but I’m not personally familiar with it. So I don’t know what’s normal or what’s relevant and what you need to know to be able to help. So I probably ended up writing far more than you could want or need, but if you could just read through it and give me advice I would sincerely appreciate it. 

Alec going on 3 years old and I just love him to pieces. I had to go away to college when he was still less than a year old. I see him during breaks, but it's not that often unfortunately. 

He's developed some less than favorable personality traits while I have been gone, and I don't know why they developed or what to do about them.

The breeder tells us that when was a kitten, his mother complete refused to acknowledge him and wouldn't feed him. The breeder let him eat with some of the kittens of the "half-breeds" that lived outside (maybe I should have been more concerned but all I thought was "aw, my poor baby!"). He told us that sometimes, the older half-breeds would chase him and mess with him and he'd have to try to hide in the cupboards (again "my poor baby!"). When we finally got him, I was surprised to see he had almost no fur (it mostly grew back later) and was covered in long white down his ribs.  My vet, a great man and a family friend, was visibly upset when I asked about them, and he said that they were scars. With almost no fur, the scars were painfully obvious. He still has them.  Most of them are about the length of my thumb and are visible in abundance down both his sides, primarily just behind his front legs. My vet, referencing both the scars, and a case of feline herpes that required overnight observation, said there was no reason for Alec to have been in this condition.

I tell you all this because I want to know if it's possible that any of his behavioral problems stem from the neglect of his mother, the viciousness of the outdoor cats and the resultant wounds (the breeder seemed to be a "rub some dirt on it" kind of guy...), and the months spent afterwards battling respiratory problems and skin allergies (he was often to exhausted to play, and even then not for long).

He hates affection. When we get home, or if comes to get us for attention, we can rub behind his ears, once. No more. He will come and sit on our laps, for hours sometimes, but he will not allow petting. He will allow you a few pets, but no more. If you try, you'll regret it (I've gotten good at reading his body language, but others are not so lucky). He will allow us to pick him up, but only if we are carrying him somewhere or he wants to perch on our shoulder. The only sort of contact- that he does not initiate- that he will allow, is to let rest a part of our body against his. Like, if he's by the table, I put my foot by him so my ankle is by his side. Or if he's lounging in my lap, I can press my hand against his side. But if we begin to stroke him, he will no longer tolerate the contact.

He used to allow me to pet him as a kitten, but I wonder now if that's just because kittens can be more affectionate or if he was just to tired to complain? Or is this a result of not getting enough attention? My parents and a sister were at home with him when I left, and even though he's a "family cat," I'm Alec's person, if that makes sense? 

He also don't seem to know how to play hunt, or hunt or play period actually. I have played with him on numerous occasions and never once have I seen him actually pounce. I've seen jumps that look almost like a pounce, but never an actual pounce. When he sees something he wants to attack, he lies down and does the but shaking thing cats do. But when the moment comes, he runs towards the object, slows down as he gets close, and then bats it. Every time. Is this because his mother never taught him?

He knows how to chase of course but once he "catches" the object, he almost never seems to know what to do with it except gnaw on it or try to hold it in his paws. Sometimes he'll toss things and "re-catch them" but I've only seen it a few times. Or like, he has a beanie baby kitten he went crazy over as a kitten, and know he'll always come running if he hears me shaking it, but when I give it too him or toss it or anything, at most he'll pick it up in his mouth and put it down a few times. 

He's very active, he loves running everywhere- but once he gets past the "running" stage, it just stops. It's like all the steam just goes out of him. Am I doing something wrong or does he just not know how to play properly?

I don't know if alot of  his problems are results of his kittenhood, or being in a boring occasionally antagonistic household.

I clicker train him when I'm home but my family, for all their genuinely wonderful qualities, just don't have the time or interest to do it without me. He's the only pet (and extremely jealous. He does not respond well to any other animals in the house). I think Alec is brilliant. He's so smart. I think he's adorable and perfect and just lovely. But 89% of people disagree with me. Most people find his appearance genuinely frightening. One of my sisters (not the one who stayed home with him when I went to college) will scream if she sees him looking at her- just looking, not the scary "I'm a can and I'm hunting you" kind of looking either. And she's not the only one. Her friends, for example, all call him "The -my family's name-'s Creepy Cat." My dad is unfortunately insensitive towards him and often stomps his feet to scare him, or will hiss at him because he thinks Alec's reaction is funny. 

And finally THE PRIMARY PROBLEM (I think?)

But Alec, like most devons, is extremely social. He hates not to be near us. We wants to be near us. He cries for attention when we are in the other room, or wants to know where we are. But that just causes more problems for him because except for me, my mother, and one of my sisters, no one seems to want him around. And those of us that do want him around, don't know what to do with him when he is. He doesn't want us to pet him. Playing with him generally makes us both disappointed (we've found some success in throwing things for him to chase. He loves that. But of course, the second he reaches it, he just slows to a stop. And looks back at us like "Is that all?"). So when he comes to us for attention, we don't know how to give it too him. 

I know this is a lot so here are my main questions-

How can we give him the attention he wants, when playing and petting are both things that end badly for him and us?

Is this our fault? Are we doing something wrong? Is it possible to scratch him behind the ears wrong, because cats are supposed to love that, but not him? Is there a secret to playing with cats that I've missed (I've even gotten books on the subject!)? Would moving him into a tiny college apartment with me and a kind but uptight roommate (she hasn't met him, but I think she'd most likely only tolerate him for my sake) be better for him, or would that be worse?

We've were very gentle and affectionate with him as a kitten, so is his strong distaste for physical affection now a result of his early life before we got him, or is this something we did?

If Alec has lost many of the skills his mother was supposed to teach him, is there any possible way for me to re-educate him?

I just want to give Alec what he needs because he is clearly missing something from his life right now. Sometimes when he comes over for attention, I just ask him “What do you want from me?” Because without being able to touch him, or play with him effectively, I don’t know what else to give him.  

So please, far more experienced devon rex owners, if you have ANY advice at all. Please let me know. Even if there’s something you think I’m doing wrong- <i>especially<i> if there’s something you think I’m doing wrong. Please tell me. 

Thank you so much for your patience. Here’s some pictures of Alec because I think he’s adorable!